Sunday October 5

Sundays rank by far as my favorite day of the week. A good cup of coffee, the newspaper, no need to really go anywhere and interact with the outside world. This Sunday was a bit different. I did indeed drink the coffee and read the paper but at my dad and anne's house (Note to self...must remember to bring real creamer to their house!!) and then we got ready and went to brunch at Shannon's. I actually really enjoy hanging out with them, catching up ...though there must always be some catty comments which completely set me off. To calm myself I tried to go visit Shella who is still desperately depressed off the series of events in her life the past year. So then I took on a project I had been wanting to do..I went to downtown Bloomington and photographed my old downtown. So much has changed...the Illinois House where I hung out with my grandma Dolley and my aunt jo is now an office building. The coffee shop is a wine shop...but the building and the name are still there. The courthouse remains as a historical society. Kresge's is gone (a law firm) as is Roland's but I can stand on the corner and remember it all like it was yesterday. Again, a beautiful fall day so it filled my spirit. I went by my scrapbookng store on the way home....bought a few new thingies and caught up with my favorite scrapping store girl..then I packed up, and stopped in Lexington to drop off a few photos for the family. I arrived home to have Rita all happy and waiting to see me....I think Dorothy was right...there's no place like (MY) home...

Saturday October 4

For every bad day there has to be a good day. So my internal clockwork and confidence is still all messed up and I have no "mommy" to run to....so instead I drove to Bloomington today slowly through the fall fields and pumpkin patches. I was a girl made for Autumn...I went to a high school and college with orange as their official colors, my favorite color of rose is that peachy orange coral rose, I LOVE pumpkins, etc. It was a great visual treat and a start to getting back on track. Chatted with Amy a bit on the way down which was fun. Of course a little family dysfunctional weekend always makes me understand why I don't live in my hometown...but hey it takes my mind off my troubles. Most importantly, this was Homecoming 2008 for Jess and Em. First we met up with Em (I took Dan my uber dysfunctional bi-polar newly divorced and ranging anger fueled brother with me) at her mom's new friends's house in the country. GORGEOUS fall afternoon...Emily looked beautiful and relaxed and her Mark is so funny and sweet. He got a new car (I stupidly did not get a pic of them at the car....) and she looked all grown up in this dress which was magically held on by these TEENY TINY straps...argh!!! Anyway from Em's lovely photo shoot in the country we went to Jess's high drama overstaged photo shoot in the city. Ughh,,,she was gorgeous but had makeup two shades dark on and was going with the former beauty pageant dropout Ashley....anyway we did all the pics and I left and got chinese at my favorite chinese dive and went to see my baby brother Jim at his work place, the cab company. Sitting in a smoke filled dispatch room eating chinese veggies and shrimp...I felt better than I had all weekend. I went home and put my pjs on and watched the cubs lose with my dad...what a week. And maybe, really, that is the purpose of it all...as I sat at the computer with my glass of wine loading homecoming photos and listening to the Cubs try to make it through the post season....I felt better about the week. Ups and downs...we need to channel through the adversity to learn who we are and how we react. So,,,with that I am taking my book and going to bed..

Friday October 3

The morning after a gut crashing career and personal moment does not feel much better. The only thing that rolled me out of bed this morning (besides my warm, panting, gotta-pee doggie) was the thought that I did not have to go into work today. I had already asked a week or so ago to work at home today thinking I would drive to Bloomington this afternoon. After protracted discussions with the family I decided to wait and go down Saturday morning...but this work at home gave me the chance to work through my fears and insecurities. I think the gist of all of this is that I really had been sort of riding high and loving what I do and working hard and enjoying the people I work with. I'm not sure if I was given this gift to use the chance to step back and reassess my priorities or what...but it is defnitely creating a fear fueled introspection. I know with great certainty that i am good at what I do..but to survive in the workworld other people need to do that. In fact my 2008 goals are based on people seeking me out and coming to me and being a good leader. At the end of the day I am scared, shaken, uncertain, nervous, pissed off! Perhaps this will lead to some good creative energy for me...

Thursday October 2

Thursday....well fall is in the air. It's cool and crisp and today I manuevered through traffic at the crack of dawn so i could make sure my boss had what he needed for an early meeting. Then...from there the day fell apart. Suffice it to say that I had an innocent conversation with a co-worker where we caught up on the meetings and presentations from the past week and ...it turns out he sits next to a person who eavesdrops on conversations. And not only eavesdrops but eavesdrops and hears pieces of a conversation ...which gets immediately relayed up the chain to my boss who calls me in to his office. The gist of the "relayed info" was that I had loudly and openly complained about my boss and how i did all of the work and he took all of the credit and he was doing a bad job etc etc. Now i work for one of the coolest guys ever. He's smart, funny, dedicated and we have a great repoire and style. But he was pretty bent out of shape. Before the day was over he had checked with others and felt more comfortable about my side of the story. But...I spent the day feeling exposed, raw, completely freaked out and unable to work. Couldn't leave the office because that would make me look guilty and couldn't actually work. For a person who prides themselves on their personal relationships and the people I work with, this took me totally off guard. I went home and drowned myself in two large goblets of wine. Fortunately for me, D called and was sympathetic..he must have known I really needed an ear....what a crazy week! The only bright spot is that this day is the 16th birthday of my little mini me!! Emily Catherine is 16...can you believe it?!??! I remember just being back in Atlanta for maybe 2 days when they called me to say she was born. I was so bummed out. 16 years later she runs on her own time and is still the light of our lives! Love ya, Em Bug!

Wednesday October 1

So the day after an all day-er cranking away at the computer was sort of fuzzy. Our lives at work right now are sort of like a roller coaster....work, work, work like crazy people, then speed to the bottome....slowly, crazily climb to the top, speed like crazy to the bottom. It's a bit insane but "it is what it is" (inside chuckle.) Today I was back at the office, cleaning up, going through mail, remembering to do timesheets, etc. It started off with BRUTAL traffic...I mean crawling on 1-90. I hour and 15 minutes....arggh! The good news is that I came in (late) to staff meeting where they awarded me the ISD Employee of the Month (one of two) and a dedicated parking spot. Woo hoo!! Though I mentioned to the group that parking is plentiful at 6:30 a.m. Crawled through the day but working on an outline for the L1 staff tomorrow. Home about 8...working on creating a layout for the new Design for Life online class which opened today. I am working hard at creating a life which blends fun and creativity with work and responsibilities...oh yea and excercise. I went to the gym tonight (YEA) and then came home, worked on my layout and ended up working on the outline and slides for Tom. Finished around 11 p.m. ...need to be in early again!! No rest for the wicked!

Tuesday September 30

So, after a very late bedtime on Monday, up with the birds on Tuesday. Today is the big EC meeting. Worried about traffic I set up my two computer workstation and work away. Somehow there is a lot of freedome and creativity in working in your sweat pants....coffee, rita, computer and me. So we worked at home, cranking out the numbers, working the cell phone. Lunch was tomato soup and grilled cheese. Back to the computer. Tried to take a nap. Phone kept ringing. In a daze we shut it all down at 4 and went to the store. Today was the deadline for the Studio Calico stamp challenge. Made it fuzzily under the wire. To bed with the October issue of InStyle and a glass of wine.